DEAR DIARY: Habit Hiatus

I needed a pattern interrupt in the form of a digital detox.

Dear Diary 

I've been questioning it all again. Like, if I'm not doing, helping, producing or creating something ... then why am I here? What's the point? What's my purpose? 

I logically tell myself that my worth is not defined by my labels, my roles, my output. But it doesn't always land in my body. It's verbal not visceral. 

I had to delete my social media apps from my phone last week. A dopamine distraction. Escapism disguised as inspiration; as connection. 

It's been interesting to notice how this makes me feel. Relief in part. I'm not an influencer, I don't have to create content all the time. I don't have to share everything. I don't have to sell myself (dare I say my soul!). I don't have to monetise my moments. I don't have to prove myself. I don't have to view the world and my life through the lens: 'This would make a great post / reel'.

Instead I am able to be more present. I watch the world instead of filming it. I experience more. I capture with my mind and heart, more than my camera. 

The sweetest simple things: blue sky, dewy grass, whistling trees, cosy cuddles, cups of tea, board-game battles, kitchen dancing, house projects, bright moon, sky of stars, warm eggs, shared meals, beach walks, road trips, belly laughs, singalongs ... always music.   

I'm half way through a book and full of excitement for what's going to unfold, instead of scrolling and getting overwhelmed by clickbait captions and 'make-me-feel-bad' opinions. 

I notice Georgia (our 10-year old but still a puppy Australian Labradoodle) speaking to me. I experience awe just watching our children be themselves. My yoga mat calls more frequently. The forest feels more intimate. 

I've been watering my grass instead of dreaming of greener pastures. 

Less seeking, more settling. 
Less questioning, more quiet.
Less comparison, more compassion.
Less agitation, more awe.
Less pressure, more pleasure.
Less content, more creation
Less following, more freedom.

My phone isn't always in my pocket at the ready, it's resting in another room ... which means I can too.

It feels good. I'm proud of myself. I just needed a reminder that my purpose is to live my one wild, beautiful life. To love and be loved. To share and shelter sometimes too. 

Thanks for listening. Thanks for being a space where I can admit this, I can explore this. 

I'm sure I'll forget and need reminding. So that's why it is all written down. 

So remember dear one: consciously consume YOUR life, not their filtered version or the unfulfilling pursuit of material things.

Love Nina 

P.S. Dear Reader. There is no shame in enjoying social media. I do! I know small businesses rely on it. People who feel isolated can enjoy connection. Those who live far from family and friends can share memories. 

I just needed a pause: a different pace and perspective to reflect and reset. 

And perhaps sharing my journal entry, will inspire you to activate a pattern interrupt of your own, in whatever arena you need.

See you on the other side ...